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Somehow my mother decided my brother would be the great hope, be the one to go to college. After all, his father was a professor, mine a steel worker. I was pretty, what did I need with an education? So she blew through mine by the time I was two, and when the money went my grandfather restricted her access to Andy’s. With no money my charming father took off with a bowling alley blonde. My mother sank into alcoholism and moved to Detroit following one in a string of lovers. We were lucky if we had a roof over our head, rarely did we have food, and I began to run with a gang for money. I was tall, I was white, I made a good driver, and I boosted cars. But I hadn’t just been boosting when I was eleven, almost twelve. I was a runner. The day was clear and at five thirty I made my pick up. I went to a house on the edge of Mexicantown and walked through the gates, the armed guards, the snarling dogs. Inside I stripped down and was given the product, cut for sale. My clothes were. I strain to hear his steps, so that I can prepare for what I know is to come, wanting to pull my bound feet up, my knees further beneath me, but not able to move more than a few inches in any direction. I am tied, face down, spread wide, waiting... always waiting... and wanting. I gasp and let out a sharp cry as I feel the first touch of something, more shock than pain. My mind processes the feeling, the sensation, and I realize it is a light touch, feathery, sleek. It could, indeed, be a feather... or fringe of a blanket... perhaps his hair. I can only imagine, not determine, as the touches and teases continue. The feathery feeling is gone now, replaced with something cold and wet... an ice cube? a popscicle? his fingers, dipped in ice water? Again, my mind can not choose, while my body revels in the sensation. Over and over, new sensations assault my skin, my mind, my being, each one bringing me closer to the point of overload. He knows my body like a favorite movie, a.
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